your parents love me but you hate me
We won't sleep together?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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