I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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