i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
