He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
