we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
