i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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