Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
