You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
