Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
