I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
