Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
