I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
