Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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