Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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