Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
