i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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