this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
