Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
