I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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