So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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