yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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