i permit you to call me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize