My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
whose ass print is on the piano?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
