anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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