how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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