we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
