im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
