Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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