Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
