i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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