i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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