What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
