I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
