he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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