C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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