i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
