I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
