North Korea, Best Korea!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
