They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
