Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
