So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
