I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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