I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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