Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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