strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
