That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize