Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I touched a dick in church today
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
