shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish my penis had a tongue
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
