Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize