I am in a vortex of obligation.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i love accidental penises.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
