I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
