he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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