My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
