last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
