Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
