I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We smell like vodka and hangover
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