ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
