Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize