Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
