he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
