I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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