Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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