I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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