She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
