dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
