There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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