At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We are two peas in an std pod
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think your dad took our porno
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
