Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got inside last night via doggy door
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
