this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
