i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
