i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
