I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
