we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
