My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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