You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
