I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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