have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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