Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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