Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
