guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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