We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
