Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
